There is something wrong with me.

Okay. First, a tiny bit of explanation. Every wednesday morning, I go to a local elementary school, where I volunteer for four hours. It's one of those set-the-alarm-for-5:30,-shut-it-off,-don't-wake-up-'til-seven,-freak out,-go-bundling-out-the-door-five-minute-before-the-bus-leaves type scenarios.

That's how my wednesdays work.

Now, if I had any concept of how to teach, they probably would have me helping out as a teaching assistant. But when they ask you if you're an education major, and you say "no, I'm a Political Science major"... there's a big difference.

I'm the one that re-organizes the class library. And, having spent four hours completely re-doing three book-shelves full of books for a class of twenty second-graders, it makes you feel really warm and fuzzy when they all scream "Thank you, Miss Ki."

So, they were taking a test today, and I moved all their desks into proper rows while the teacher read to them. They liked the rows -- except for two of them, who were now in the back, and couldn't see the board as well. Then, I finished the bookshelves (because I didn't finish doing so last week). I labelled the bookselves -- y'know, Fiction, Non-fiction, that kinda thing. I did it on those brightly colored strips of paper that elementary school teachers always use, in the neatest print I could muster.

They even had one of those plastic aquariums, which we all assembled. When I say "plastic aquarium", I mean a television-shaped thing with plastic fish in it that bubbles so the fish move. When I say "we all assembled", I mean "here, you hold these -- be careful not to lose any of the fish," and "here, you hold this -- be very careful not to drop it." The teacher did the important part -- the actual filling of the tank.



On their way line up for lunch, they all screamed "Thank you Miss Ki!"

I got this great warm fuzzy feeling inside.


...until I set foot outside the door.

Then I felt fucking awful about... well, I don't know. I just had this cold, bleak feeling. You know that feeling? I had that. The second I set foot out the door. And I don't know why.

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